Show me your friends and I'll show you your future!

“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”

— Proverbs 13:20

How many times have we heard this verse… or some version of this advice from the people who love us?

I know I have.

Many times.

And now, as a mother of two, this verse affects me on a much deeper level because I realize something terrifying as a parent:

There is only so much I can do.

At some point, our children grow up, step into the world, and the world slowly starts becoming their teacher too.

And honestly… that is one of the scariest thoughts for a parent.

Because there comes a stage in all our lives where friends begin taking up a huge space in our identity.

We start searching for independence.

For belonging.

For acceptance.

Some of us struggle with bullying.

Some struggle with confidence.

Some struggle with identity, loneliness, purpose, or even finding God.

And that is exactly where our surroundings begin shaping us the most.

Because whether we realize it or not… the people around us influence us deeply.

Hang around four delinquents… and you’ll likely become the fifth.

Hang around four aggressive people… and eventually you’ll become the fifth.

Hang around four lazy people… and you’ll become the fifth.

But the opposite is also true.

Hang around four disciplined people… and you’ll become the fifth.

Hang around people who are motivated, healthy, positive, faith-driven, and focused on growth… and slowly, that energy starts changing you too.

So the question becomes:

Who are you surrounding yourself with?

And even more importantly…

Who are your children surrounding themselves with?

When I was younger, my dad used to always tell me:

“Do what I say, not what I do.”

But the truth is… children do not learn from words.

They learn from what they see.

From energy.

From reactions.

From examples.

And when I became a parent, I realized just how true that was.

During the hardest years of my life, I started noticing how much my own stress, anxiety, sadness, reactions, and emotional state were affecting my children.

They were watching everything.

How I reacted to problems.

How I handled stress.

How I spoke.

How I cried.

How I loved.

And that realization changed me deeply.

One of the main reasons I decided to separate was because I realized the environment around us was no longer healthy.

And although leaving was the hardest thing I had ever done… staying would have been hard too.

So I chose my hard.

Because I understood something important:

Children raised in toxic environments often normalize toxicity.

If a child constantly witnesses emotional abuse, manipulation, screaming, violence, disrespect, or instability… they slowly begin believing that this is what relationships look like.

And I refused to continue that cycle.

My mother stayed in situations that taught me how to recognize physical abuse… but because psychological abuse was never spoken about, I grew up not fully understanding what emotional manipulation looked like.

And so, without realizing it, generational trauma continues repeating itself.

Until someone decides to stop it.

For me, that meant finding the courage to leave even though I still loved him.

Was it hard?

ABSOLUTELY.

Some days felt impossible.

But today, after everything, I know with certainty that I made the right decision.

Not because life became easy afterward.

But because peace entered my home.

Today, as a solo parent, I can honestly say it is one of the hardest jobs in the world.

But it is also one of the most meaningful.

Because now, I am intentionally creating a home filled with:

• love,

• discipline,

• healthy communication,

• laughter,

• emotional safety,

• and faith.

A home where God is at the center guiding us through life.

Is it perfect?

Of course not.

No family is.

And now the challenge is different because the influence is no longer only inside the home… it’s outside.

At school.

On social media.

Through friendships.

Through society.

My daughter is now entering the teenage years, and honestly, those years can be scary as a parent.

Will she make mistakes?

Of course she will.

We all do.

That’s part of being human.

My goal is not to control her.

My goal is to help guide her.

To help her develop discernment.

To help her recognize the difference between people who genuinely care for her and

people who will slowly pull her away from herself.

Because bad influences don’t only appear during teenage years.

They can enter our lives at ANY age.

And sometimes, many of us enter adulthood without ever being taught how to recognize healthy relationships, healthy friendships, or healthy environments.

So we end up learning the hard way.

But I want you to know something:

You CAN choose differently.

Real friends are not only there during celebrations.

Real friends show up during your darkest moments.

If you became sick tomorrow, who would genuinely check on you?

Who would bring you soup?

Medication?

Pray for you?

If you were struggling with addiction, would your friends encourage your healing… or would they be the first ones inviting you back into destructive habits?

These are hard questions.

But important ones.

Because the truth is:

Better alone than surrounded by toxic company.

And sometimes, solitude is where God finally gets your full attention.

You do not need dozens of friends to feel validated.

In fact, true friendship is rare.

You should be able to count your real friends on one hand.

Social media followers are not real friendships.

Real friendships are built through love, loyalty, honesty, presence, prayer, support, and consistency.

And if you are currently in a dark place, struggling mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically…

Start by filtering your surroundings.

Protect your mind.

Protect your peace.

Protect your spirit.

Fill your mind with positivity.

With faith.

With growth.

With people who inspire you to become better instead of pulling you backward.

And if you start changing your life but fall along the way…

DO NOT GIVE UP.

Falling is part of the process.

Healing is not linear.

Growth is uncomfortable.

But every step forward matters.

Have faith in yourself.

Because I promise you… I have faith in you.

And remember this:

Both paths are hard.

Remaining stuck is hard.

Healing is hard.

Growth is hard.

So choose your hard. 🤍