Why God Sometimes Allows Us to Go Through Pain

Have you ever wondered why we go through painful seasons in life?

Why certain challenges completely break us and leave us asking:

“Why me?”

“Why now?”

“What did I do to deserve this?”

Because I have.

Many times.

For a long time, I truly believed that the hardest season of my life was my separation.

And honestly, when you are in the middle of the storm, nobody but you truly understands the depth of the pain you carry.

The desperation.

The fear.

The loneliness.

Waking up every morning feeling like your life collapsed because of your own choices.

Blaming yourself.

Blaming others.

Crying.

Trying to understand why you cannot seem to build the life you dreamed of.

The healthy family.

The peaceful home.

The love you fought so hard for.

I was in a relationship with someone struggling with alcoholism and addiction — although the drug addiction part, I only discovered three and a half years after our separation.

And despite everything, for years I fought with everything I had to try to save that relationship.

I wanted my family to work.

I tried patience.

I tried understanding.

I tried couples therapy.

Psychologists.

AA meetings.

Support groups for families dealing with addiction.

You name it… I tried it.

I truly believed that if I loved hard enough, sacrificed enough, and stayed strong enough… I could fix everything.

But life doesn’t work that way.

And during that painful process, I also lost one of the most important relationships in my life: my relationship with my father.

After an argument where I spoke from anger and hurt, he distanced himself from me completely.

I regret many of the things I said.

At the time, I was carrying so much emotional pain inside of me that I was reacting from wounds, not wisdom.

And honestly… losing my father’s presence during that season hurt deeply.

Then came the separation.

And although leaving was terrifying, I still remember the very first morning I woke up alone in my new home with my children.

That feeling…

I will never forget it.

For the first time in a very long time, I could breathe.

I felt peace.

I felt freedom.

I felt proud of myself for finally finding the courage to leave an unhealthy environment.

But don’t get me wrong…

The hardest part had only just begun.

Because being a single mother is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced in my life.

BUT…

It is also one of the most rewarding things I have ever done.

At first, I thought I was ready for it all.

Or at least… I tried convincing myself I was.

But the reality was much harder than I expected.

I cried many nights after my children fell asleep.

I struggled emotionally.

I struggled mentally.

I struggled balancing work, motherhood, healing, and survival all at once.

I had no personal life.

My children became my entire world.

Everything I did became centered around creating a healthy environment for them.

But there was one thing I could not control:

They still had to see their father.

And at the beginning, that was one of the hardest things for me emotionally.

Knowing I had zero control over what happened once they left my home terrified me.

I would count the hours until they came back.

Call constantly.

Panic if I didn’t hear from them.

And eventually… I had to learn something incredibly difficult:

I had to let go and trust God.

Then, two years after my separation, another devastating loss hit me.

My best friend Sophie passed away unexpectedly.

And honestly… that pain shattered me.

But even through that grief…

I never lost faith.

I kept praying.

I kept asking God to guide me.

Then came another painful discovery:

I found out that my children’s father was also heavily involved with drugs.

And I panicked.

I blamed myself.

How did I not know?

How was I so blind?

What if my children had witnessed things I never knew about?

And that’s when the “what ifs” completely consumed me.

So I decided to take things to court.

And by the grace of God… I won.

But the PROCESS?

That process almost broke me.

The stress.

The fear.

The uncertainty.

The waiting.

It was exhausting.

So maybe now you’re asking yourself:

“How did you survive all of this?”

And honestly, some people may not like my answer.

But I promised myself this blog would always be honest.

So here it is:

Faith.

God carried me through it.

And I know some people might think:

“If God was with you, why would He allow you to suffer so much?”

Trust me…

I asked myself that same question many times.

But today, if you asked me:

“If you could go back in time and change everything… would you?”

My answer would honestly be:

No.

I wouldn’t change a thing.

Because through all those challenges, I learned things I never would have learned

otherwise.

I learned that I am stronger than I thought.

I learned that I am never truly alone.

I learned that my emotions cannot guide my entire life because emotions constantly change.

But God’s Word does not.

I learned forgiveness.

I forgave my ex for everything he put me through.

I forgave myself for not knowing better at the time.

I forgave my father for not knowing how to navigate the situation either.

And most importantly…

I understood that without God, I was trying to carry battles that were too heavy for me alone.

So I made the decision to fully follow Him.

To stop relying only on my own understanding and instead trust His guidance.

And honestly?

These last six months have transformed my life completely.

My children are changing too.

We pray together.

We read the Bible together.

We go to church together.

There is more peace in our home.

More love.

More communication.

More patience.

Has it been easy?

Absolutely not.

Healing is never easy.

Faith does not remove challenges.

But it changes how you walk through them.

One thing I know for certain now is this:

I will never stop returning to God’s Word.

Because through it, I finally started understanding why I went through everything I did.

Not to destroy me…

But to transform me.

And every single day, I continue working on becoming a better version of myself — not only for me, but for my children too.

Because whether we realize it or not, our children learn by watching us.

They watch how we react.

How we heal.

How we forgive.

How we love.

How we rise after falling.

So if you are currently going through a dark season in your life, please remember this:

Seasons change.

Pain is not permanent.

This chapter of your life is not the end of your story.

And even when you cannot see it yet…

God is still working behind the scenes.

If you need guidance, support, prayer, or simply someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

And until then…

God bless you. 🤍