Sophie

My whole life, I was stripped away from what I always longed for most:

A big family.

Cousins.

Aunts.

Uncles.

Family gatherings.

Love, chaos, laughter… and yes, even the drama (because every family has some lol).

But because of a family feud that started after my aunt passed away when I was only 4 years old, everyone slowly drifted apart.

And just like that, I grew up as an only child, always feeling like something was missing.

I always longed for connection.

For adventure.

For people to grow with.

And so, without realizing it, I tried filling that emptiness through friendships.

Then, at 10 years old, I moved to Canada with my dad while my mom stayed behind in

Brazil because of immigration issues.

And once again… I was stripped away from the only thing I still had left:

My friends.

Starting over was hard.

I had to learn a new language, adapt to a completely different culture, be away from my mom for 8 months, and somehow try to rebuild a sense of belonging all over again.

And then… I met Sophie.

I was 11 years old, in 6th grade.

At first, we weren’t instantly best friends… but it didn’t take long.

Soon enough, we became inseparable.

Every summer, every single day, we were together.

We would spend hours laughing, going to the pool, obsessing over boys from far away because we were way too shy and too young to actually do anything about it lol.

We went everywhere together.

She would come over early in the morning and purposely wake me up even after I specifically told her not to.

She didn’t care.

We would listen to the Backstreet Boys, Pink, Robyn… cover my bedroom walls with posters of our favorite artists and sing into our hairbrushes in front of the mirror like we were performing at a sold-out concert.

Those truly were some of the best years of my life.

And the crazy part?

Sophie and I NEVER fought.

Not once.

As we got older, life evolved.

I moved to Toronto for three years, but every time I came back to Montreal, we would see each other immediately. She even came to visit me in Toronto.

No matter where life took us, our friendship never changed.

Then one day, she told me she was pregnant.

I remember completely flipping out because she was SO sure of herself… and also incredibly stubborn lol.

When I decided to move back to Montreal we became inseparable all over again.

Now we had her “plus one,” her son… and somehow, life became even more beautiful.

When I had my daughter, she was beyond excited.

Now there were four of us going everywhere together.

She was there through every high and every low in my life.

She never let me down.

Ever.

She gave me advice with so much patience and love. Even when she knew I was making mistakes… even when she saw me choosing paths that would hurt me… she understood that some lessons I needed to learn on my own.

But she never abandoned me through any of it.

And when I separated and my world completely fell apart… she showed up for me in ways I will never forget.

I remember standing there completely overwhelmed.

No boxes packed.

Two young children depending on me.

A million emotions running through my mind.

I didn’t even know where to begin.

And then Sophie walked into my house holding her second baby… and simply started helping.

She helped me pack my entire life into boxes.

Her husband and family came too.

Together, they moved everything in HALF a day.

I remember standing there speechless.

Overwhelmed with gratitude.

I kept thanking her over and over, and every single time she would say:

“This is what friends are for. Stop thanking me.”

That was Sophie.

She made everything lighter.

She was my safe place.

My pillar.

My person.

After I moved into my new home, I would call her almost every morning after dropping my kids off at school.

She would help me process everything I was going through.

She would give me advice.

Make me laugh.

Plan outings.

Remind me that I wasn’t alone.

And then…

On January 2nd, 2024, everything changed.

God called her home while she was on vacation.

And my world shattered.

My best friend.

My sister.

My ride or die.

Gone.

I cannot even describe the pain that followed.

I felt lost.

Ungrounded.

Broken.

I cried and cried until I felt like there were no tears left inside of me.

I tried to stay strong for her family, but they knew.

They knew I was grieving just as deeply as they were.

And for a moment, one thought kept repeating in my mind:

“I’m alone again.”

After 30 years of friendship, I didn’t want another best friend.

I only wanted her.

I was angry.

Heartbroken.

Confused.

But then something beautiful happened in the middle of all that pain.

Her family opened their arms to me even more than before.

They made me feel like I wasn’t losing a family… but gaining one too.

And honestly, that has been one of the most beautiful gifts to come from such a devastating loss.

Because although my best friend left this earth… she somehow still left me a place within her family.

And for me, they will always be family.

Today, I’ve developed an even deeper relationship with her sister. We are closer than ever.

And somehow, through all this grief, through all this pain… Sophie brought me even closer to God too.

Losing her created a hole inside of me that I know will never fully disappear.

And truthfully… I don’t think it’s supposed to.

But what I do know is this:

I was blessed.

Blessed to experience a friendship like that for 30 years.

Not everyone gets to experience that kind of love, loyalty, and connection in a lifetime.

And for that, I will forever be grateful.

Losing someone you love is never easy.

But one thing I’ve learned through grief is this:

You have to allow yourself to feel it.

Don’t bottle it up.

Cry if you need to.

Look at the pictures.

Scream if you have to.

Write them letters filled with all your questions, your anger, your love.

And pray.

Sometimes we will never understand why God takes someone so soon… or why things feel so unfair from our human perspective.

But no matter how painful it is, we cannot change what happened.

What we can do is choose how we carry that love forward.

So allow yourself to grieve… but don’t allow yourself to stay stuck there forever.

Because if you woke up today, there is still purpose attached to your life.

And maybe part of that purpose… is learning how to keep loving, even after loss. 🤍