The Process

We talk a lot about healing.

We talk about growth, breakthroughs, and finally “getting there.”

But we don’t talk enough about the process.

The messy, exhausting, repetitive, emotional process that happens in between.

For me, that process didn’t start beautifully. It started in darkness.

For years, I stayed in a relationship where I ignored every red flag. Not because I didn’t see them—but because I didn’t want to accept what they meant. I was holding on to something deeper… a longing I had carried since childhood.

I grew up without that sense of a united family. No cousins, no big gatherings—just a small, isolated world. And I didn’t realize it then, but that shaped me more than I understood. It made me search for belonging outside of myself.

So when I found a family that seemed to have it all, I held on tightly.

Even when things didn’t feel right.

Even when I was warned.

Even when I was slowly losing myself.

And that’s where the process really began.

Because the process isn’t just about leaving.

It’s everything that happens before you’re ready to leave.

It’s waking up already exhausted.

It’s carrying anxiety in your chest and still having to show up for your kids.

It’s questioning yourself constantly—

“Am I overreacting?”

“Am I the problem?”

“Can I fix this?”

And even in that… I wasn’t staying still.

That’s the part I want to talk about.

Because even when I felt stuck, I refused to stay stuck.

Some days, that looked like putting on a podcast—anything positive—just to hear a voice that reminded me there was something more out there.

Other days, it was opening a book, even if I could only read a few pages before my mind drifted.

And then there was baking.

Baking became something I didn’t expect.

On the outside, it added stress—deadlines, perfection, pressure to get everything right. But in the middle of it… when I was decorating a cake, focusing on the smallest details… something shifted.

For that moment, I wasn’t thinking about the pain.I wasn’t replaying conversations.I wasn’t questioning myself.

I was just… there.

Present. Focused. Calm.

And that mattered more than I realized at the time.

Because that’s what the process sometimes looks like.

Not big breakthroughs.

Not instant clarity.

Just small moments where your mind gets a break.

Thirty minutes. One hour. Maybe two.

And in that time… you’re not stuck.

You’re moving through it.

Slowly. Quietly. But still moving.

It took me years to understand that.

Years of trying.

Years of falling and getting back up.

Years of blaming, questioning, searching.

Until one day… I left.

And I’ll never forget that first morning in my own space.

It wasn’t perfect.

I was still hurting. Still overwhelmed. Still unsure.

But there was something else.

Relief.

A silence that didn’t feel heavy… but peaceful.

And one thought kept repeating in my mind:

I did it.

I’m out.

I’m free.

I didn’t yet understand that I had always been self-sufficient. That realization would come later.

But in that moment, I saw something for the first time:

I was capable of choosing myself.

That day wasn’t the end of the process.

It was the beginning of a new one.

One where I had to face everything I had been avoiding.

One where I had to rebuild from within.

One where I would slowly learn to trust myself again.

And it didn’t happen overnight.

It happened the same way everything else did—

Through the process.

So if you’re in it right now… if you’re in that space where everything feels heavy, confusing, or unfinished…

Please don’t think you’re stuck.

You might just be in the middle.

Try something small.

Distract your mind for a moment.

Give yourself space to breathe, even if it’s just for a little while.

Because those small moments?

They matter more than you think.

They are part of the process.

And one day, you might look back and realize…

That’s exactly what carried you through.

If this speaks to you, take a moment and ask yourself—what is one small thing you can do today to get through this moment?

You don’t need to have everything figured out.

Just don’t stop moving. 🤍